I hate that my foundation is built solely on needy whining & bitching. I am absolutely disgusted by just how neurotic I am. I keep asking "Why can't I be laid back, like him?" Granted the whole "like him" part is only a recent addition, but I've always noticed myself being much more uptight about the majority of things when compared to others' reactions. I'm sure there's some benefit to it, but in this moment, I cannot see the potential benefits.
I am losing my mind again over this schmuck, and I hate it. We're supposed to hook-up Wednesday when we swap vehicles; he even suggested I top so he'll "cum like a geyser". That sounds cool and all, but not only has he fallen through every-single-god-damn-time we've had ANY sort of plans over the past few weeks, but weekdays he goes to work at 6AM. That Wednesday morning, I'll be getting out of work at 7AM, and leaving town in his vehicle at noon. Say what you may, but I do believe that this planned hook-up is NOT going to work. It's going to be hard enough just to get a moment of his time to swap vehicles.
Also, he doesn't seem to realize that just getting a text from him makes my head spin. Laying next to him makes my heart race. But PENETRATING him? Oh my god. I'm getting hot just thinking about it. Not sexually, no, but LITERALLY hot. Damn anxiety. I've never topped before. I've never been IN to somebody like this before. I think I just might die. What the hell.
Lastly, I apologize to all of the zero people who actually read this. It's been FAR longer than I had thought since my last post. Hopefully I can keep up with posting semi-regularly this time around. Maybe I can finish off the year making posts more frequently than every two weeks or more. The problem is, is I don't want to FORCE the posts, just to have content; not that I'm creating QUALITY content here, but I would at least like to look back, and not just read garbage (yes, I know just posting bitching thoughts is just about garbage), but hopefully I'll be able to look back and smile or something. Who knows..