Tis the end of an era

Look, I know it's been a couple months since the last update. However, there hasn't been much to update. In short, I quit my job about a month after the last update. In response, I paid off all my credit card debt, and took the opportunity to use the majority of my free time to do work on the properties. So, aside from some bouts of depression, that's mostly what I've been spending my free time working on.

Today was the bf's birthday, and we did nothing.

That being said, the reason I came to do an update, is that after about a decade, My last "real" friendship has come to an end. 

Now, this is really a week in the making, as however it happened, we were on the phone and got to talking about how, for at least the last two years I've been feeling neglected in the friendship, and as I described how it's felt, it all started to make me realize a lot about the specifics as to why and how I've really been feeling. I guess I had never really put enough thought into the feelings to actually make myself realize what the problem really was. In response, basically every rebuttal my friend would make was just making things worse and making me feel pretty worthless. As a last ditch effort to save any semblance of the relationship, we agreed to end the call with the potential of picking up at a later date.

Now, I had already been mentally and/or emotionally struggling for a few days by the time this conversation happened, so in response I had blocked this friend on everything I could, as well as other unrelated parties like both of the bf's parents, my mother, my grandmother, etc. 

About a week later, I was in a much better place and opted to unblock everyone.

Somehow, the friend had reached out, and offered to come over to help try to find our property line. We were unsuccessful, but afterwards we got to talking about the last time we had spoke.

Sure.

Fine.

Whatever.

So, I'll shorten this substantially as the conversation lasted hours, but basically he apologized for how the conversation went as well as for making me feel that way, and I told him "I appreciate it but I really don't need any kind of apology from you. I'm completely over it, and, I'm not saying this to be mean or malicious or anything but, you're dead to me. I can appreciate the friendship that we had, but I am finally at peace, and I understand now that what was will never be again. I don't hold any I'll will towards you; I just don't care about you whatsoever anymore." Which, of course he got emotional, which, ever so slightly did feel good, but mostly I felt entirely indifferent. We had some back and forth, and he gave me a long hug afterwards. 

I'm pretty sure he understands that it's over (mostly because of the long lifetime-movie-style hug at the end) But that was several hours ago, and I'm sure he's pretty well over it by now.

Before all this, I would've been devastated for months. Now? I don't care. It is what it is.

It's scary how quickly I can erase people from my life.

Ah well.

I'm other news, the BF and I have plans to go to his parents this weekend for a birthday dinner for him, but beyond that, I don't have much going on, even with it being a holiday weekend.

I'm down to my last $25, and I've already had to borrow nearly $2,000 from the bf, and it's really starting to come down to the wire and I need to really start thinking about getting a job sooner rather than later. So I suppose I'll have a job again in the next month or two. However I am still completely undecided about.

Ah well.

(Again)

Until next time, take care.